Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
