I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
