thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
