She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
