Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
