Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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