i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
