Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
