It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
