There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
