somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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