Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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