I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize