We won't sleep together?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
did you just send me my own nude
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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