My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
