Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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