Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
