My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she looked like the before picture.
In America we eat man semen.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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