They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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