An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
