Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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