oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize