Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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