you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
