I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
