Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He shit in the fireplace
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
