ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
