guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
