I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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