Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
