Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
