i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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