just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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