I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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