Did you just see the Batmobile???
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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