I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
