What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
