the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize