I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
