The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
please come you make the beer taste better
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
