I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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