I heard we made out
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
