I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
