i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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