I'm lost and stupid without you.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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