I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
