I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
