i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
