you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
