In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
