just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
