Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
This girl is more easily done than said...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize