I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
