walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize