I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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