I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Terrible idea I love it
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
