I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
