she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
