It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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