I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
