I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
