she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
