he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
