I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
