I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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