Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
