i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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